... She Rings in the New Year

[DISCLAIMER: Yes, I know that it is January 3rd, but I wrote a majority of this post on the 1st]

Well, it's that time of year again.

I always reach the new year with a sense of regret & foreboding & excitement & hope. Yes, I realize these emotions are paradoxes - they do not overlap and "should not" exist together. And yet, they do. Perhaps that is part of the human condition, trapped between the bitter and the sweet. We taste the bitter right along with the sweet. And yet, at least my taste buds, notice the shocking bitter far before they notice the sweet.

So, what is bitterness of 2013?
Good question. (Yes, I realize I am essentially talking to myself - that is the beauty of writing. Talking to yourself is almost socially acceptable. Almost.)

I am achiever. I like accomplishing what is on my to-do list. 

I regret not speaking truth when I had opportunity. 

I regret hasty words & fearful silence. 

I regret not trusting my Lord & refusing to do what he whispered to my heart. 

I regret not living to my full potential and allowing anger to dictate my actions.

Is there a bitter taste coming into 2014?
Yes. Yes there is.

One year more farther removed from my dad. That bites the hardest and for the longest. It shocks my senses and sends me on the fast track to tears. 

I fear what comes ahead. 

I fear how previous actions may dictate the future. 

I fear the unknown & uncontrollable (yup - I can be a bit of a control freak).

However, and I cannot state this enough, the beauty of having a relationship with Christ is that we are free to live in the security of Christ. Yes, the regret & foreboding of the past & future years exist, but we can leave free from fear (and regret & foreboding) in Christ. As I am writing, I am realizing that I live in a lot of fear. I am tired of being fearful. It needs to stop. The bible has a lot to say about fear. Here are some of my favorites:

• [Isaiah 41:10] Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
• [Philippians 4:6-7] Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
• [Psalm 56:3] When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.
• [2 Timothy 1:7] For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
• [Matthew 6:25-34] “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these."
• [Deuteronomy 31:6] Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”
• [1 Peter 5:6-7] Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

So, I've discussed my bitters. How about my sweets?

2013: 

Finishing Freshman Year (NEVER A FRESHMAN AGAIN!)

Making sweet, life-long friends

Going to InterVarsity Camp 

Survived the summer helping my mom get ready to put the house on the market & working a pretty boring office job.  Resulting Bonus: I learned that I never want to work in an office and I learned a lot of details about putting a house on the market. 

We didn't move because my mom decided to stay (I am so relieved - for the most part)

1D Concert

Duck, NC

Chesapeake Bay

Leading a small group on campus for Freshman girls

Reading the book of John

Asking a wonderfully Godly senior to mentor me

Seeing some of my friends get engaged

Meeting The Boyfriend  

Lots of Laughter

Exciting Dates

Cupcake Maker

My current roomies

Impulsive second-hole piercing (I am so rebellious)

Fun Fall, Thanksgiving, & Christmas Breaks 

Learning how to miss people healthily 

Discovering how to be compassionate and loving towards others

Learning how my identity is concrete in my relationship with Christ 

Surviving the One Year of dad dying

Discovering just how much I love education & social justice. 

Learning that I also really love being an English major. 

Living to 2014.

I have so much to be thankful for. 2013 was a million times better then 2012, especially once I went back to school. I am thankful for all the sweetness that the Lord bestowed in my life, heart, & mind. I am confident that the Lord will guide me through the bitter & the sweet of 2014. 

So, 2014. Here we go. I am ready for the love, heartbreak, dreams, people, adventures, boredom, learning, and growth that will happen this year. Here is to a fearless, adventure seeking, Jesus-loving year!

xoxo,
The Blonde

PS What I am listening to as I write: http://songza.com/listen/sultry-sirens-songza/