... She Shares Some Poetry.

I know. It's been forever. Life is so very full. Wonderful, but so full.

I don't have time to write about the many things on my heart (I have 50 pages to read of Midnight's Children and 10 pieces of poetry to finish analyzing - English Major Problems). But I did want to share a piece of poetry that I found. 

Earlier this semester, on the year & a half anniversary (I hate using that word & associating it with death. Anniversaries are suppose to be happy things) of Dad passing away, I wrote this poem. September 8th was hands down the most difficult day of my semester. I sobbed in church and had so much work to do. All I wanted to do was run and sob and write. But I could not. And I did not want to talk about it with anyone. 

[Why do I refuse help? I am way too proud.]

Anyways, vast world, I present you with my poem. 

(September 8, 2013)

In the private moments

                        Of grief,

The heart cries for

                        Some release.

To be hidden away

                        From pain.

And given the chance

                        To Relieve

The all-consuming weight

                        That death

Leaves in its wake.

It wreaks my body.

Cripples my mind.

My every bone screams.

Tears – come.

Anger – dissipate.

Confusion – abandon.

But in this pristine bubble,

There is no chance of relief.

The expectation to be

                        ABSOLUTELY PERFECT

Rules this place.

So, I sit in my tower.

Biding my time.

Until I explode!

Sufficiently depressing? 

I think so. 

BUT, I cannot just present you with a depressing poem. That would not suffice. 

The Lord is consistent to speak truth to my heart. I am learning that He wants what is best for me. I can truthfully, finally, say that HE IS TRUSTWORTHY. I can entrust him with my heart, my future, my loves, my anger, my fears, my sin, my mind, my health, my friends, my family...

I am also learning about love & the Lord. At the beginning of the school year, the Lord laid Ephesians 3:16-21 on my heart. I keep coming back to it over and over again. 

"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

What does it look like to be rooted and established in Christ?
Do I exude this incredible strength? If not, how can I?
Is is abundantly obvious that Christ dwells in my heart?
How does Christ's incomprehensible love affect my relationships?

So many questions. I could keep going, but do you really want to read ALL my questions? Maybe. But, I really need to stop procrastinating.

I just want to write all the things that are on my heart.

Summary: My heart. It is settled, scared, overwhelmed, excited, optimistic, confident, and finally regaining normalcy.

I know. This is all so vague, but you will just have to be patient. I'll probably be writing a lot now - we're getting close to finals week.

xoxo,
The Blonde