... She Finds Joy in Lamentations

(This is a post I started writing about 3 weeks ago but never finished... Here it is :))

Ironic isn't it? 

Joy in Lamentations. 

Lament:

1.

to feel or express sorrow or regret for

2.

to mourn for or over.

Joy:

1.

the emotion of great delight or happiness caused bysomething exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure;elation

2.a source or cause of keen pleasure or delight; something or someone greatly valued or appreciated

3.

the expression or display of glad feeling; festive gaiety.

4.

a state of happiness or felicity.

The Bible talks a lot about mourning/sorrow/regret and even more about joy. 

In the NIV version of the Bible, the word "joy" (or a form of joy) appears 244 times and is present in almost every book.

In essence joy and lament are the best words to summarize the gospel:

The joy of creation.

The lament of the fall. 

The joy of the birth of a child (aka Jesus) in Bethlehem over 2000 years ago.

The lament of all of Jesus' followers when he was crucified on the cross. 

The joy in the resurrection of Jesus on the third day. Beyond Christ being alive, He rescued all mankind. 

The lament of sin.

The joy of salvation. 

The lament of death.

The joy of eternal life with Jesus.


Beautiful isn't it?

If you have time, sit down and read through Lamentations right now. Just get a feel of it...

Did you read it?

What did you think?

I loved how raw it was. The literary techniques. The contrasts. There is great hurt, fear, and grief reflected in Lamentations. Yet, the author constantly refers back to Jesus.

I think the most powerful portion in Lamentations 3:16-33

¹⁶ He has broken my teeth with gravel;
    he has trampled me in the dust.
¹⁷ I have been deprived of peace;
    I have forgotten what prosperity is.
¹⁸ So I say, “My splendor is gone
    and all that I had hoped from the Lord.”

¹⁹ I remember my affliction and my wandering,
    the bitterness and the gall.
²⁰ I well remember them,
    and my soul is downcast within me.
²¹ Yet this I call to mind
    and therefore I have hope:

²² Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
²³ They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
²⁴ I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
    therefore I will wait for him.”

²⁵ The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
    to the one who seeks him;
²⁶ it is good to wait quietly
    for the salvation of the Lord.
²⁷ It is good for a man to bear the yoke
    while he is young.

²⁸ Let him sit alone in silence,
    for the Lord has laid it on him.
²⁹ Let him bury his face in the dust—
    there may yet be hope.
³⁰ Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him,
    and let him be filled with disgrace.

³¹ For no one is cast off
    by the Lord forever.
³² Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
    so great is his unfailing love.
³³ For he does not willingly bring affliction
    or grief to anyone.

... She Rejoices in The Bridegroom

At the moment I am doing an incredible bible study called "Obsessed: Making Christ the Desire of Your Heart" by Hayley DiMarco (an incredible Christian author).

It is incredible.

And convicting.

It is so easy to look superficially at my life and think that I am "doing alright"
I spend time with Jesus... most days.
I am not the person I was even a year ago... Christ has changed me so much.
I want to spend my life serving Christ... Isn't that a good thing?

But the truth of the matter is - I am not "alright" and "alright" is never good enough. My priorities are out of line. My heart is so sinful. I am "obsessed" with so much - and quite honestly, God is not at the top of the list.

Sometimes the cross is so small. And I am still working through major grief. Grief that feels like a dagger at times. Sometimes I am so depressed. I don't trust God and his ways. It can be really hard to.

But then God opens my eyes. My unworthiness makes the cross so big. Like HUGE. Like GINORMOUS. Like OHMYGOSH I AM GOING TO CRY I AM SO OVERWHELMED.

If you're not feeling it... just watch this clip (or anything having to do with the galaxies)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRiIWL04po8

Anyways, I digress.

I'm really here to talk about Jesus being the ultimate bridegroom.

I lovelovelovelovelovelovelove weddings. Like seriously, just look at my pinterest. I am not even sure why (especially since the mere thought of my own wedding makes me want to curl up into a ball and cry and decide to elope - Dads are so important to weddings). I think it's the joining together of two people forever that captivates me.

The mere fact that God created relationships. And marriage. He didn't have to - at all.

But he did.

(Thank you Jesus!)

What I think is more incredible is that Jesus is descibed as a bridegroom. Having never been a bride (and will never be a groom), I don't know what the days leading up to a wedding (and then the life afterwards) will feel like. I anticipate giddy jitters, issues to work through, and an insatiable desire to be with that person.

I rarely feel that way about Jesus.

If ever.

Maybe a handful of times.

But he still wants to be my groom.

To love me to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

Only it's even better. Because we do not have to parted from each other in death. Instead, we are reunited. My joy will be complete when I am rejoined with him. Talk about a new perspective!

... She Contemplates Tears.

“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.” --Washington Irving

... She Loves Quotes

To be in love involves the most irresistible conviction that one will go on being in love until one dies, and that possession of the beloved will confer, not merely frequent ecstasies, but settled, fruitful, deep-rooted, lifelong happiness. 

~ God in the Dock

... She is Encouraged.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

... She Expresses Her Lonliness

Dear Vast, Unknown World,

How is it possible to be on a college campus of several thousand and yet feel alone?

Why didn’t anyone tell me about how hard the transition from living with my family to college would be so hard?

Classes are fine. Not to toot my own horn, but I am a good student. I am good at managing my time and grasping the concepts. I am willing to ask for help when I need it.

But this loneliness is very oppressive.

I am ready to have friends.

I want to have friends.

I’ve been lonely before, but never in such a profound way.

The hardest, or oddest, part is that people do like me. They want to spend time with me. The girls on my hall seek me out to eat food together, to talk, and to go to the gym. But ultimately, I don’t go out and party. 

I have no desire. 

However, because I’ve made the decision to not do something that they are actively participating in, there is separation. A wedge in out relationship. I’ve been placed in this uncomfortable position before, but I have not had to live in it.

Yet, at the same time, I love being different. I love being a Light for Jesus. In my sheltered life, I never had to stand up for what I believed in and it be abnormal. Being "Christian-Like" was the expected norm - not the abnormal. 

So, I am living in a paradox. I don't like not having close friends, BUT I am not willing to compromise my convictions. I love Jesus more. 

People often ask me why I don't "go out." I give a variety of answers depending on how interested they are. If I had opportunity this is what I would say:

Going out is not the problem. There is nothing wrong then getting together with a group friends and having fun. I love having fun! But my definition of "having fun" has nothing to do with drugs, sex, and alcohol. It's not that I have an intrinsic problem with "partying" - it's what happens at parties. 

I have no desire to hear uncouth, rude, drunken comments/conversations. 

I have no desire to see people hooking up.

 I have no desire to hold my friend's hair back as she's puking her guts up at a "good party." 

I have no desire to smell the alcohol and drugs.

 I don't like club music. 

I have no need to go meet "the best friends of my life" at a "crazy awesome" party. 

I have an incredible boyfriend - I don't need to meet any guys. 

Ultimately, I want to honor God with my life. I want to be a light for Christ and how can I do that when I'm just like everyone else?  

But back to my loneliness. As I sit here and think about it, I am not sure if it is all rooted in my lack of friends. On the grief "journey" chart, loneliness was one of the emotions of grief. I think that could play a huge part in what I am feeling. The thought of trying to expressing what I am feeling makes me want to cry. 

Not only tears of grief, but tears of failure.

Tears of inability. 

Tears of dread

Tears of healing.

Tears of insignificance. 

Tears of frustation. 

Tears of anger. 

Tears of _________________.

How can this be redeemed? 

How can I use my loneliness to honor Christ?

How can I use my story & my grief to be a Light for Jesus?

How can I become more of the woman that Christ wants me to be?

So many questions. And so I turn to the Maker of delicate flowers, babies, and thunderstorms. The God. The One and the Only God who loves me - and you - passionately. He loves me more then anyone else can in the world. My identity must be found in the one who loves me the most. Earthly love is fantastic - mind-blowingly so. But ultimately, God died for me. He wants to be with me. He wants to be with you. The mere fact He bridged the gap between my sin and his perfect, unimaginable perfection quickens my heart. Just reflecting on the gift of Christ gives me courage to face tomorrow. And I will do so. And with a fierce determination to grasp the joy found in Christ.

Until next time,
The Blonde

... She Sometimes Posts Things So She Can Find It Later.

“Falling in love in a Christian way is to say,'I am excited about your future and I want to be part of getting you there. I'm signing up for the journey with you. Would you sign up for the journey to my true self with me? It's going to be hard but I want to get there.”

- Timothy Keller