1:13 am.
Songza (aka an app only inspired by God - seriously - go download it) is playing a relaxing playlist.
My bed is calling my name.
My mind whirls in 5 million different directions.
To God's plan for my life.
The Future.
College.
Dad.
Philip.
My poison ivy covered legs (one reason I am up tonight - I am on medicine that has many side effects including, but not limited to: inexplainable happiness, mood swings, bloating, acne break outs, and inability to sleep).
I have a deep desire to live my life glorifying my God. My God who created the brilliant stars that polka-dot the night sky. He who authored the plan of eternal salvation. He who formed me and wrote out my days before I took a whiff of oxygen. Why would I not want to honor him? I want my actions HERE and NOW to be a brilliant light house in the darkness. I want to pierce the oppressive night with hope, joy, grace, and point eyes to salvation.
Yet, Grief.
A stumbling block in my path.
It feels blinding and oppessive.
The epitome of darkness.
How am I suppose to live my life full and completely with my adored Daddy suddenly snatched from this reckless world by no choice of his own?
How am I suppose to adjust to college naturally with the fresh taste of grief lingering in my life?
How can I live my life free of regrets and untainted from the negative effects of grief?
I hold onto the words uttered by God in Jeremiah 29: "For I know the plans I have for you plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you and will bring you back from captivity."
What an incredible promise.
